January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month

By Kailah Weaver, Intern

The United States Homeland Security describes human trafficking as “the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial sex act”. Some indicators that human trafficking is occurring can include:

• poor living conditions

• living with employer

• inability to speak to people alone

• signs of physical abuse

• unpaid or paid very little

• seeing multiple people crammed into a space, under 18 and in prostitution.

  If you suspect human trafficking there are multiple places to call. You can call 911 in an urgent situation and explain what you have seen or call 1-88-373-788 The National Human Trafficking Hotline to report a tip or ask for more information.

Stalking Awareness Month 2021

Stalking Awareness 2021

By Jennifer Chandler, Advocate

January is Stalking Awareness Month, but what exactly is stalking? Broadly defined, stalking is a repeating course of conduct aimed at one specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. This means that the behavior of the perpetrator occurs more than once, is specifically aimed at the victim involved, and causes the victim to feel afraid.

Stalking Is:                                   

• A crime in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the U.S. Territories, Federal law, and many tribal codes

• DANGEROUS! Stalking can escalate to property damage, physical violence, sexual assault, or even murder

• An issue for ALL populations of people including those who may be under-supported such as: LGBTQ, Minorities, undocumented individuals, people with disabilities and formerly incarcerated individuals.

Stalking is NOT:

• The victim’s fault

• “Harmless”, or “Romantic”

Tips to deal with stalking behavior:

•   Keep evidence such as text messages, voicemails, photos, and documentation of incidents of stalking (including witness information)You can use this evidence to file for protective orders or criminal charges.

• Change your normal routine, including the way you drive to work, hours you work, and where children receive daycare

• Change your phone number and door locks

• Alert friends, family, and coworkers of the situation (if comfortable) so that they can help

• Make a safety plan of where you can go on short notice to stay overnight if needed (friend’s house, hotel, code word)

• Use cash if the perpetrator still has access to your bank account to keep them from tracking you

To avoid TECHNOLOGY based stalking/tracking:

• Turn off your location or log out of all apps that can track your location like snapchat, facebook, instagram, etc.

• Check your car for tracking devices.

• Avoid posting on Social Media about what you are doing or where you are going.

For More information on Stalking, visit stalkingawareness.org or call our 24/7 Crisis Line at (336) 243-1934

2020 In Review

If you will allow me, I would like to take time to share some thoughts, and experiences, regarding 2020.  On February 17, 2020 I was in Wilmington, NC to witness my daughter receive her white coat during the UNCW’s white coat ceremony.  As we stood for pictures, both of us smiling, I watched as over 40 other graduates of the ceremony were jovial and sharing smiles and laughter about their accomplishments.  They were excited about what was on their horizon as they prepared to enter their nursing careers.

Over the following few weeks my daughter would contact me and talk about the offers she was considering.  I remember the call when she decided that Mission Hospital in Asheville was the one.  She would be an RN on the Pulmonary Progressive Care Unit and was excited about living at the opposite end of the state.

As fate would have it, we both would be in Asheville in March.  She would be completing an introduction at Mission Hospital and I was presenting an ethics training with the NC Association for Marriage and Family Therapists.  We met for lunch, looked for a good coffee shop (with chocolate cake of course), and did a search for apartments.  On that Saturday, she headed back to Wilmington and I had a few more hours of training to complete.

The date was March 14th and, as our training concluded, there was an announcement that Governor Cooper had signed an Executive Order for Safe at Home and NC was shutting down.  On the drive back from Asheville, I was already speaking with Directors to discuss how we were to provide our services while keeping clients and staff safe.    

As we met on March 16th, we discussed the impact of the shut down on services, programming, staff, and revenue.  We immediately began the process of following up with our funders and began developing polices/procedures to deal with a pandemic.  We implemented new service delivery systems while ensuring our clients’ needs were being met. 

With the implementation of procedures to provide services during a pandemic, we found a way to keep serving our community.  However, this was only accomplished due to the dedication and expertise of our great staff.  Our Board of Directors were also instrumental in our work as they provided the necessary support and guidance during this difficult year. 

I just spoke with my courageous daughter who is on the frontlines as an RN on the COVID floor.  She speaks to the battle and anxiety of being overwhelmed due to facing death every day.  She shares her stories of holding the hand of a dying patient while speaking on the telephone to the patient’s family to provide some sense of support during the patient’s last breaths.  As I spoke to her, I was reminded of our staff’s efforts to ensure the health and wellbeing of everyone we serve.

This is the dedication of our frontline heroes.  Our staff here at FSDC and frontline medical workers who answer the call to go right back to the battlefield.  To ensure the care and safety of those in need. Because of these dedicated professionals I have hope for 2021. 

May we make the necessary sacrifices to make certain these professionals know we are with them.  As we have heard many times, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!

Blessings and peace,

The Holiday Blues

Written by Melissa Cook, FSDC Clinical Intern

2020 has been a tough year for everyone.  Now that we are at the close, we must finish the year with the Holiday Season.  While the lights may be bright, treats plentiful, and family nearby, it can also cause stress.  Between the purchasing of gifts, the inability to celebrate with family and friends (Thanks, COVID-19), or disruptions in routine, it can certainly NOT be the most wonderful time of the year. 

                So how do we maintain our cool in a circus of chaos? Maintain routine.  Making sure you are taking care of your physical needs is important.  Sleep and exercise should be a priority.  Remember that moderation is important.  There is an awful lot of temptation- spending too much, enjoying food and beverage, or attending holiday activities.  Overindulgence can lead to headaches, fatigue, and frustration.   Most of all, give yourself grace periods. Call a friend.  Listen to music.  Read.  Seek an activity that you can do just for you.  That way, coming into January 2021 can be as peaceful as possible. 

Happy Safe and Healthy Holidays!

"Injustice Anywhere is a Threat to Justice Everywhere" -Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

As you may know, our newsletter recognizes awareness months throughout the year.  Awareness months help us acknowledge those in our community who should receive our support and to shine a light on their experiences while creating an environment of safety and ensuring mental health.

June is Pride month and our newsletter was to speak to, and acknowledge, those in our community who identify as LGBTQ.  As with other awareness months, we were focused on bringing attention to the LGBTQ community and how we, as a community, work together to support and establish an environment of acceptance and safety. 

We hope our newsletters supports a dialogue within our community which helps to bring about change while validating the experiences of others.  We also seek to challenge preconceived beliefs that may hinder us as we seek to truly see, and value, our neighbor.  We hope to create some discomfort within each of us so as to provide opportunity for growth.  And, support a conversation that speaks to our altruism and knowing there is something bigger than ourselves.      

I must admit that since May 25th I’ve had a difficult time collecting my thoughts while preparing my article.  The very focus of my article was playing out in front of me (and the world).  I was hoping to write an article that would create a moment that would have us stop and think about how we accept and treat others.  To again recognize that we’re all in this together.  To understand each person has value and is able to make a difference in our community (our nation and the world). 

Our work at Family Services of Davidson County has always been to relieve the fear of others and create a chance for healing.  Healing that creates a new journey in which the hopes and dreams of children, individuals and/or families can again be refashioned and achieved.  I believe that readers of our newsletter seek to participate in this work and is the reason you support our agency.  I also believe, with all my being, that we are an accepting and loving people but when fear guides us, we become blinded to our actions and the actions of others. 

Let us make a promise not to be led by fear or to become myopic in our view of others.  May we seek to do what’s difficult because we know that doing what’s hard is what’s right. 

Warm Regards,

Tim Tilley

Times are Weird: 4 Mental Health Tips for Teens

By: Melissa Lopez, E-File Coordinator

Times are weird right now for everyone, regardless of age. Here are some tips for keeping your Mental Health on track:

1.       Limit Social Media

The easiest way to limit social media is to cut down on the time you spend on it. “But TikTok!?” you may ask, and my response will be “TikTok away!” SO, if cutting back on social media time isn’t for you then cut back in different ways. You can temporarily “hide” or “unfollow” people, friends or family who aren’t being the most inspirational or constructive at the moment, but who you don’t want to permanently unfriend. This link will show you how to unfollow people without hurting their feelings (on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook): https://thenextweb.com/basics/2019/01/04/how-to-quietly-ditch-people-you-follow-on-facebook-twitter-and-instagram/

2.       Talk to someone

If you feel comfortable, talk to your parents, either  about how you’re feeling , or if it’s possible for them to get you to a mental health professional. If you do not feel comfortable reaching out to your parents, maybe reach out to a friend. Most likely your friends may currently be experiencing or have experienced your same feelings, or they’ll just be willing to listen. If parents or friends are not an option you can Live Chat or call the National Suicide Prevention Life line at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. For a more local response you can call **ASK (275).

3.       Create a schedule

Create a schedule every day when you wake up and make sure you set goals for yourself. Your goals can be as small as “Eat breakfast today” or as big as “Finish my college application”. Also, your schedule doesn’t have to be a productive schedule, again take baby steps if you need to. Throw in a couple hours of binge watching, doing your nails, or playing video games. Just make sure you have a reasonable and attainable goal and go for it!

4.       Learn Something New

Maybe take this summer break to learn something new! Learn to play a new socially distanced sport like Frisbee golf, or tennis. You can even do something like learn a new TikTok dance and execute it. You don’t have to post it, just give yourself a job well done for learning it. Follow a makeup tutorial step by step, or put on some Bob Ross and make a million happy little accidents along the way to a beautiful masterpiece. The world is your oyster!

Mental Health Resources for Teens & Young Adults

The National Council on Mental Health

National Allicance on Mental Illness

Teen Mental Health

Mental Health During the Coronavirus

Dear Friends,

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.   For nine years, Family Services of Davidson County (FSDC) has recognized Mental Health Awareness Month by holding our annual Davidson Doozie 10k and 5k races during the month of May. 

With our race, FSDC promotes mental health for individuals and families by having a time to get together for exercise, fellowship, healthy snacks and fun.  The Davidson Doozie also encompasses altruism by having our participants run in honor of someone impacted by violence, trauma and mental illness.

Unfortunately, our Davidson Doozie was postponed by the onset of the Coronavirus and the increase diagnoses of COVID-19. 

With the pandemic, we find ourselves questioning the tried and true methods of promoting mental health.  How can we ensure we’re benefiting from a strong support system? How do we engage in rewarding activities? How are we lessening our focus on worrisome issues?  How do we make certain we don’t self-isolate?  And, how do we involve ourselves in causes that help us recognize our importance in our community?  All of these crucial actions help the development and sustainment of our mental health.

So, what now?  Do we surrender to the fact that COVID-19 will end tried and true activities that promote mental wellness?  Do we create new methods for developing protective factors for our mental health?  Do we ignore that our lives have been ever changed by this pandemic? 

Through the years of practicing, I have often stated that crisis provides opportunity.  Easy to say but very hard to recognize and accept.  As healthy human beings, we don’t say “I need a crisis so I can discover an opportunity.”!  But change is often preceded by challenge. 

We are faced with the challenge of discovering new methods of maintaining our mental health while we fold in the techniques that we know work.  Mental and physical wellbeing start with doing the simple things that have the greatest impact.

First, the simple things.  Are you staying hydrated?  Make certain that you’re not skipping healthy meals and snacks. Protect your down time and maintain healthy sleep habits.  Engage in an activity that brings joy, and get your body moving.  These can be practiced while also following the CDC guidelines for social distancing and good hygiene. 

Next, let’s find ways to revive our support system.  Contact now is more likely to be social media but is still important.  A lost art that I would recommend is letter writing.  I know, there’s emails, texts, Instagram and Facebook posts are the new normal.  But, there’s something about putting pen to paper and sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone in your support group.  Give it a try!

Do find a way to physically connect.  We’ve seen many instances of drive through waves and seeing friends and family through a glass door or window.  Not optimal but an option.  Have get togethers in which you can ensure 6 feet distancing (picnics in a large area). There is something that happens when we connect by looking into the eyes of those who you care about and who care about you.

Practice a letting go technique.  Worry robs us of energy that is needed for other necessary battles.  Find an activity such as deep breathing, meditation, prayer or yoga.  These techniques can help with getting you centered when worry creates being disjointed and keeps our mind spinning.  Yep, there’s an app for these techniques so enjoy your search. 

Set aside time to address the negative impact of this pandemic.  Consider journaling, which allows you to get these feeling out by recording how this new normal has totally rearranged our experiences and plans.  Journaling also provides a chance to express the frustration and fear that we often want to hide. 

Lastly, we do have the capacity to heal and also thrive.  This will not be the only experience we’ll have that speaks to our not being in control.  However, we can take charge of things within our ability to change.  Celebrate the choices we discover are ours to make and let go of things that we really never had control of anyway. 

Blessings and warm regards,

Tim Tilley

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop: Why We Recognize Sexual Assault Awareness Month During CO-VID 19

Post by: Ashley Hoke, LCMHC, Therapist/Advocate

Like most organizations, Family Services of Davidson County had to carefully look at our events and awareness activities planned during the CO-VID 19 outbreak. We recognize that our community members mourn as they experience the cancellation and rescheduling of important events, gatherings, and fundraising activities. Looking toward April, Sexual Assault Awareness Month, we could not fathom missing the recognition of this important topic. The prevention of sexual assault has always been a priority of ours and we will find a way to continue our outreach during this time.

Some may wonder, why continue to move forward when we are distant from one another? Can we still ban together against sexual violence when we are ordered to stay at home? Isn’t everyone “safe” at home?

We would argue that it is more important than ever to be united in prevention efforts and responding to sexual violence. Here are some reasons why…

1. Sexual Violence is Still Happening

We know that best practices for social distancing during the CO-VID 19 outbreak is to stay at home when possible. The idea is that we are “safe at home.” While this is certainly true for protection against the Coronavirus, we acknowledge that not everyone feels safe in their own home. The Department of Justice (2013) reported that 55% of sexual assaults occur at or near the victim’s home, while 12% occur at or near a relative’s home. Sexual assault survivors may be experiencing more exposure to their abuser during a time when most are seeking shelter in their own homes or with relatives. The World Health Organization (2020) also noted that violence against women increases in times of any emergency, epidemics included. It’s important to understand that sexual violence is not only continuing to happen, it may be happening more now than before.

1. The Barriers to Receiving Support are Greater

There are many barriers that survivors face in accessing support and resources following sexual assault. Just a few include financial, transportation, abuser control, low community awareness of resources, and lack of childcare. Many of these barriers have been greatly impacted by the CO-VID 19 regulations. Survivors may be facing job loss, financial concern, and lack of childcare. They may also be under heavy surveillance by their abuser and more heavily reliant on their abuser’s resources. If we as a community are more aware of sexual violence and open to support survivors during this time, we can more greatly help survivors overcome these barriers to get the help they need.

1. Survivors May Feel More Alone Now than Ever

Survivors of sexual assault can often feel isolated by their experience. Survivors may feel like they are different from others and do not want to burden their friends during a time of crisis. Survivors may also have difficulty sharing their story over video chat or by phone. We can support survivors by checking in with our friends and loved ones and having open conversations around our experiences. This is a time when we want to feel more unified, included, and open to conversations that usually carry heavy stigma. We want to show those we love that we care and are open to talking about anything they are going through.

1. Support Services Continue to be Available for Survivors

Sexual violence has a horrific impact on individuals and our community as a whole. As advocates, we have also heard so many stories of triumph, support, and healing. Survivors as just that… SURVIVORS. If we continue to engage in prevention, intervention, and loving response to survivors during this time, we can have an impact on the safety of our community. 

How can you get involved? Follow our information, blog posts, and fundraising campaigns throughout Sexual Assault Awareness Month at our Facebook Page (https://www.facebook.com/FamilyServicesDavidson) or Website (fsdc.org). You can also spread the word that our services are still available through the Family Services of Davidson County Main Office (336-249-0237), 24/7 Crisis Line (336-243-1934), and Hattie Lee Burgess Shelter (336-243-1934). 

For further information on resources during the CO-VID 19 outbreak, visit: https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/get-updates-information-covid-19/ and https://www.fsdc.org

We at Family Services of Davidson County are thinking about you and your families during this time. We look forward to continuing to serve our community and provide support during families’ most difficult times.

References

Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010 (2013)

WHO/SRH/20.04. World Health Organization 2020. https://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/emergencies/COVID-19-VAW-full-text.pdf

Test of Time

The Test of Time Dear Friend, I recently began looking back at experiences I had as a youth and young adult. Mostly, my focus was on nostalgic events and how these were tied to memories of places and products that defined an era. I fondly recalled the by Melissa Lopez

Flagging Down Main

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. To help raise awareness we have lined Main Street with flags and posters with information on how you can join the movement and find resources. If you happen upon a yellow flag or poster down on Main Street in Lexington, snap a picture and tag us in it by using these hashtags: #bethe1to, #SPM19, #FSDC. Help start the conversation. If you, or someone you know, needs help please reach out to the National Suicide Lifeline 1-800-273-8255, or Family Services Crisis Line 336-243-1934. For more information you can go to www.fsdc.org or www.bethe1to.com

Introducing Our New Executive Director: Tim Tilley

July 1, 2019

For Immediate Release

TIM TILLEY NAMED EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF FAMILY SERVICES OF DAVIDSON COUNTY

Family Services of Davidson County Board of Directors is pleased to announce Tim Tilley has been appointed as the agency’s new Executive Director effective July 1, 2019.  

Tim, who has been serving as the interim executive director of the organization since December 2018, has also been the agency’s clinical services director since 2001. “We are so very pleased that Tim has accepted this new leadership role,” shares Jane Murphy, Family Services Board Chair.  “The board, management team and entire staff of Family Services are confident that Tim is the exact person needed to move Family Services of Davidson County forward. His leadership style combined with his level of expertise of the agency is a perfect fit.  We looked outside the organization knowing that the true leader was right here the entire time.”

Having been with the organization since it was formed more than 22 years ago, when Youth and Family Counseling Services and Davidson County Domestic Violence combined forces, Tim has been an integral part of the growth and services provided to the countless individuals and families over the years.  “I am very humbled to be entrusted as the executive director”, says Tilley.  “I truly believe in what we do here at Family Services and want to outline a strategic plan that will enable us to grow and expand our services as we deal with the most personal and traumatic events in the lives of children and families.”  Tilley, along with management team and staff, concentrate on provide counseling, crisis intervention and youth development programs to strengthen individuals, families and our community.  The organization provides counseling services, youth and family services and crisis intervention.

Counseling services assist individuals, youth and families who are or have experienced primary and secondary traumas that continue to create difficulties in managing important areas of their lives.  The agency’s licensed clinicians provide quality individual, couple, family, and group counseling services that address issues such as parent-child relationship problems, child behavior problems, child abuse and adults with a history of abuse and anxiety, depression, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and other problems associated with experiencing trauma. 

Youth and Community Services provide comprehensive services to reduce juvenile delinquency. Staff assist young people and families who are faced with difficulties at school, home or in the community to improve their chances for success in life. Priority is placed on reducing the likelihood that at-risk youth will continue down a criminal path.

In addition, Crisis Intervention Services provides a safe, temporary home, accessible 24 hours a day to individuals and families who are actively fleeing domestic and/or sexual violence, to support victims and their families throughout the legal, medical, and healing process. The crisis line is available 24/7 to provide immediate confidential crisis response intervention, information, referral, and support services to victims of domestic and sexual violence.

“The Board’s focus over the next few months is to formally introduce our new executive director” explains Murphy, “and spend time telling the awesome story about Family Services.”  A community wide open house will be held in August to help welcome Tim into his new role and provide an opportunity for community members to visit the agency and learn more about services provided.   For more information about Family Services of Davidson County please visit our website www.fsdc.org.